The Terrible Twos

Tantrums have been part of our daily life for a while now, but coming to a new country has made it even more difficult. Life back home was relatively quick and easy. Slip on some shoes and go outside to play. I knew where to go shopping, and always had some sort of plan for Axel to have some play time. We had a pretty good routine that suited us well.

But here in Belgium, we're all screwed up. We live in an apartment, and it's winter, so if we want to go outside it takes at least 15 minutes just to put warm clothes on. That's usually prolonged because Axel hates putting on his jacket, so he'll run into a corner of the apartment, drop to the ground, cry, and play what I call "dead fish" where he won't budge. He also absolutely refuses to wear his mittens. He will then insist on riding his bike, which isn't always possible. So if I'm lucky, he will comply and sit in the stroller. If I'm not so lucky, he will insist on walking or biking, and will stop and be sad at every piece of trash (yes, litter makes him really sad) and try to jump off of every doorstep along our way. This usually ends up in traveling a distance of about one block per 45 minutes.

This is pretty exhausting if I want to go grocery shopping, since it's a 20 minute walk. I did buy a bus pass, which allows us to get there quicker, but for some reason, meltdowns usually occurs within five minutes of entering the grocery store. The only way I get through it is with promises. Like, "as soon as we pay, I'll let you out and walk", which does not benefit me too much since it will take us forever to get home. I always bring snacks, but those usually only buy me 20 minutes or so. But, as I have heard, the twos can be terrible!

Last weekend, we wanted to go to a shop to buy bathing suits so we could go to an indoor pool. We took the bus to the store and were there about 10 minutes when Axel had had enough. I was still trying on bathing suits, so Johan tried to keep him company. As I went to pay for the suits I heard the tantrum escalate, then silence. I went outside to see what happened, and saw this:

Axel was really cranky, so we looked for a cafe to buy a sandwich or any food, and nothing was open! Funny that in the middle of winter, the only store that was open was the swim suit store. We also realized we had no cash, and no one would take our credit card, so we wandered through Voselaar (a neighbor to Turnhout), hungry, no money, with a crying toddler. So we decided to try and catch the bus home, then realized it only came once every hour. I wanted to cry. By the time we finally got home and put Axel down for a nap, we were completely wiped out. After that day, we learned that during the terrible twos, if you want to minimize your stress, you need to be over prepared when you leave your house. Have money, have food, know the bus route, maybe bring the baby bicycle, and have a plan ahead of time for when you will let the terrible two toddler out of the stroller, so that you can better plan your schedule. These things help my days alone with Axel go a lot smoother.

Some days are really nice. When they are, I never know what I did right, I'm just thankful when they happen. The other day we walked to the canal north of town and back. It took us 1-1/2 hours, and we had no problems!

Another problem we've had since coming here is eating. When we arrived, Axel hadn't eaten in days. He had been sick, but he has never not eaten for that long. So I really wanted him to eat something. So I sat him at the table and let him watch a movie during lunch. He ate his entire meal. I was so happy. But then, after that, I realized he wouldn't eat without a movie being on. Crap. So now we are trying to wean him off. Some days go great, others aren't so great.

I think that a lot of parents are afraid of screwing their kids up. And the truth is that none of us are perfect, and we are all going to screw our kids up in some shape or form. You just have to use your instincts, try your best. Oh, and pray. I can't count how many times I've prayed for God to help me during a tantrum, and it always gets better. Either my attitude or Axels attitude changes.

Another thing is the mommy clingyness. This started a couple of months ago when he learned to say mamma and understood that I would respond to it. Now, if I leave the room, he will yell it at the top of his lungs. At first, we laughed about it because it's pretty funny. But it's not so funny when it sounds like a command.

Some nights are rough. Axel had eaten something bad and was throwing up this week, so those nights I had to replace his sheets and clothes several times throughout the night. Since he kept throwing up, I slept next to him to make sure it didn't get too messy. But instead of me being able to sleep in in the morning, he decided he wouldn't eat breakfast unless I sat at the table. If I tried to keep sleeping, he would come into our room and lay on me. Or even worse, turn on the light and make me read Goodnight Moon to him.

So, yes, the terrible twos are not much fun. But on the flipside, the personality that we see coming out is so much fun. We go to a mom/baby meetup every morning, and have been having a lot of fun there, and have made somenice new friends. It is so fun to see him point to Johan and say "mamma!" Because he thinks we are all mamma. Or walk around the apartment with his hands over his eyes playing a blind person, or hiding in the corner hoping you'll play hide and seek with him, or how much he loves to hold hands and pray before dinner, and applauds when we're done. That's the stuff we live for.

Beer

Since we arrived in Belgium, I've kind of made it my mission to learn about and try as many Belgian beers as possible. We are incredibly blessed to live upstairs from one of the best restaurants in the area. We have gotten to know the owner pretty well. We have had some really interesting discussions about the different types of beer, where they come from, and also the history of the restaurant (it's an old army recruiting site), and about Belgium in general.

We usually wait until Axel is asleep, then we walk downstairs to the restaurant. We ate lunch there today and Johan mentioned that we haven't had lunch together in who knows how long. I couldn't either remember the last time we had lunch just the two of us. We've had several dinners out since we arrived. It's so nice because since Johan's company pays for all of his meals, we don't have to be super cheap like we usually are since we only pay for me.

I have actually never liked beer. Whenever I order beer, I usually ask for the beer that tastes the most like Miller Lite. I basically want my beer to taste as much like water as possible. I don't like hops, and I don't like a strong aftertaste. So imagine my surprise when I got here, and all of a sudden, I love beer and am fascinated by it. I don't really know what happened either, but I'm rolling with it. And I think Johan is enjoying it too.

So we've started taking photos of each new beer we try, so that we can keep a record of what we've had, and what we liked or didn't like.

Sint Bernardus

Leffe brown, Omer

Duvel, Westmalle triple

La Chouffe blonde, Schuppenboer

St Feuillien blonde

Chimay Triple, Westmalle double

Now, before you start judging us for drinking this much beer in one week, let me just tell you that we are at the apex (Oh Lord, I hope so) of the terrible two's. This beer has been both delicious and enjoyable, as well as completely necessary.

• So far, our super favorites are: Chimay Triple, St. Feuillien Blonde, Omer, Westmalle Triple, Sint Bernardus
• Pretty darn good, but won't be dreaming about it: La Chouffe blonde, Schuppenboer, Duvel
• Eh, not my style: Leffe Brown
• Haven't yet tried the Westmalle double

I am particularly interested in the Trappist beers (as are probably many other people). I didn't know this until I was educated by our new friend, the restaurant owner, but Trappist beers are brewed by Trappist monks in their abbeys. There are only eight in the world, six are in Belgium. The other two are in Nederlands and Austria. The Trappist beers are Orval, Chimay, Westvleteren, Rochefort, Westmalle, and Achel.

Trappist breweries started at monasteries in France, and were later introduced in monasteries of other countries as the Trappist order spread from France into the rest of Europe. The Trappists, like many other religious people, originally brewed beer to feed the community, in a perspective of self-sufficiency. Nowadays, Trappist breweries also brew beer to fund their works and for good causes. In order to keep people from abusing the Trappist name, they have to follow strict rules.

• The beer must be brewed within the walls of a Trappist monastery, either by the monks themselves or under their supervision.
• The brewery must be of secondary importance within the monastery and it should witness to the business practices proper to a monastic way of life
• The brewery is not intended to be a profit-making venture. The income covers the living expenses of the monks and the maintenance of the buildings and grounds. Whatever remains is donated to charity for social work and to help persons in need.
• Trappist breweries are constantly monitored to assure the irreproachable quality of their beers.

I was really impressed when I learned this about the monasteries. I had assumed that they made the beer for profit, but their intentions seem very good. The also don't allow visitors in to the breweries, so they don't do it for the fame either. This is all just fascinating to me.

Okay, enough about beer. The rest of our time here is consumed by the terrible two's, but I'll save that discussion for another day.

Belgium, Week 1

Wow, it took me about 3 days just to figure out how to write an entry, since I'm using an ipad, which doesn't have a normal browser for this website, and every option for this website is all of a sudden in Dutch! I just happened to push the right button and got it right!

We arrived in Belgium on Friday evening, February 1st. The flight was good and bad. Good because Johan's company paid for him to fly business class, so he got to sip champagne and eat a 3 course dinner, while Axel got the seat next to me that was originally reserved for Johan. I didn't care, I was just happy that I didn't have a 30 pound toddler on my lap for 9 hours. Axel slept awful, only 2 hours. Luckily, as soon as he woke up, I asked Johan to take him, so I got to go sleep in Johan's business class seat! Johan woke me up 4 hours later exhausted, so I took Axel, and got him to sit in his seat and watch movies until we landed.

We are living in Turnhout, which is about an hour northeast of Brussels. It's a pretty standard looking European town. It has about 40,000 inhabitants, so not big, not small. We live on one of the main streets. We have a small market right across the street that sells vegetables, milk, and basic necessities. Next door to the market is a bakery where we buy our bread. And a couple stores down is the butcher, where we buy our meats. It's pretty quaint to have to go to three stores for all our food needs. The owner of the market already knows us, and is so nice. She gives Axel free fruit and little things to play with, and gives us free samples of things she makes for the store, like her crab spread.

All the food is so good. And the beer and chocolate absolutely deserve the good reputation. I never realized how fruits and vegetables are in the mainstream American grocery stores lack that home grown taste. We made dinner the other night and just baked carrots, potatoes, green beans, Brussel sprouts, and chicken, and it was like we had grown everything ourselves. The milk tastes much different, more creamy, and the bread is delicious. You buy a loaf at the store and they slice it right there for you. Axel loves the cheese here too.

We have been so jet lagged. We have been going to bed at a normal hour, but then Axel will wake up at around 1:00, and none of us can got to sleep for several hours. The first night, we were up until 4:30, and all woke up at 10:00! and that was because we forced ourselves to wake up. This has never happened to us, usually it's so easy to come to Europe. Our theory is the lack of sunlight, because we haven't been to Europe during the winter for about 6 years, we aren't used to no sunlight. But it's getting better and better with each day. Axel is finally taking good naps during the day, and going to bed at a decent hour. He is going through a super clingy phase though. So he doesn't want to go to bed alone. I usually have to lay next to him for a bit before he goes to bed, and when he wakes up in the middle of the night all he wants is to be held, and will absolutely not let you put him back in bed alone. I just decided to comfort him for a bit, but then leave. He cries for a couple of minutes, then falls asleep. We tried so many other options, with no success, so we're trying this for now. Hopefully
the night wakings stop soon.

Yesterday was Johan's first day at work. He works about 5 minutes away by bus. He really likes it. Axel and I walked to a daycare across the street and asked if we could join. There isn't a lot to do here during the days, so I asked if Axel could join and I could volunteer there. We'll see if they contact us and allows to come. I also am going to join a gym that's a couple buildings down from us.

Tuesday, Feb 5: Today is Tuesday, and it snowed! Only for a bit, then the sun came out and melted the snow. We went to a meetup that the daycare recommended for us. It's free, and indoors. They had tons of toys, and there were several Belgian moms with kids Axels age. They were really nice. I met a mom whose name I can't spell. She was born here, but has Morroccan parents. She had a son Axels age. After the class, she walked with me and showed me where they have an indoor playground. We said we'd see each other at the class again on Thursday.

Wednesday, Feb 6: Axel finally slept through the night!! We decided that if he woke up, we would not go in to get him. When he woke up at 11 pm, he cried for a couple of minutes, then fell back asleep and didn't wake up until 8:30 am. Today Axel and I went exploring in the morning. I saw a road leading out of town the other day, so we followed it and found a huge forest with trails! I was just thanking God, because I was starting to get stressed out over the lack of outdoor places to play here. We are just not accustomed to staying indoors.

I went to try out a gym last night, it's a block from our apartment. I got a free one day pass and took a step aerobics class. I talked to the instructor beforehand so she knew I spoke English. Every now and then during the class she'd yell out the next exercise instructions in English for me. I was laughing at how embarrassing that was, but also because it was so nice of her.

So far, the Belgian people have been so friendly to us. There is a bar/restaurant downstairs from our apartment, and the owner gave us some delicious beer. We told him we were having trouble taking money out with our credit cards and he said "don't worry, just come here and I will loan you cash"! What an offer. We ended up being able to take out money, but that was very generous.