Life Lately

I never wrote about our trip to California for Thanksgiving. It was so so good. Everything was beyond our expectations. I remembered how much I love and miss California. We remembered how amazing San Diego is, and the time with our family and cousins, and friends was so good and precious. I love our family. 

Until just recently, we've been struggling with either keeping Axel in his bed the entire night, or getting him to stay in his bed until a decent hour in the morning. For crying out loud, there were a couple of nights this Fall when he woke up at 3:00 a.m. Ready to take on the day. We have no idea what was going on then. But we've realized that sleep training doesn't end after they quit being a baby. 

We haven't completely solved the staying in bed issue. I have learned the solution, though, we just aren't consistent enough to make it happen. You just have to stick with your rules, and you have to be realistic. We normally say that any time after 6:00 a.m. is an allowable wake up time. He goes to bed at 6:00 p.m., and he needs 12 hours of sleep, so 6:00 a.m. Is reasonable. If Axel wakes up before then, he has to go back to bed. The big question, however, for the strong willed child is: "Or what??" How do you make a strong willed child go back to bed? It really is about consistency. Lead them back, sleep in the bed with them if you have to. You may fail the first couple of times, but if you are consistent, the kid will eventually accept that he should just go back to bed. Our strong-willed child meter tips the scales, and we've struggled with this for about a year and a half, and it's just now starting to bear fruit. So have hope! Be consistent, and be strong!

Food is another thing we've struggled with, like practically every other parent. Granted, Axel has always been a great eater, we've gone through more of a control and attitude phase regarding food. It didn't matter what we put in front of him, as soon as he saw it, he'd make the most hideous face, pretend to gag, fall out of his chair, and pretend he was dying. Just like I described. It was drama every night at our house at 5:00 p.m. And it wasn't that he didn't like food, it was that he wanted to have control over his food. He wanted to decide, because he knew that he was 4 and he had a voice to be heard and that we listened. However, that didn't mean that we had to give in and let him eat peanut butter and jelly sandwiches every night. Instead, we negotiated. Being that Axel is basically a barbarian and needs extreme quantities of food to supply his high energy lifestyle, it didn't work to let him go to bed hungry. We tried that and it backfired on us when he consistently woke us up at 1:00 a.m. begging for food. Our rule was that if he didn't eat his dinner he didn't get to watch a show before bed. He gets to watch a show on tv in the morning after breakfast, and at night before bed. It was his luxury, his treat. So that was a big bargaining tool for us, and it worked pretty well. There have been several ugly tantrums here and there in between, but in general, we've been consistent with the rule, and it works. Now, there are still foods that he didn't want to try, but he'll at least try them. Another thing is that he is obsessed with being big and strong. So we tell him that he needs to eat his growing food if he wants to be big and strong. Cha-ching, that is working better and better. 

This month I started leading a boot camp with my mom friends on my street. I kind of suggested we do it as a joke, and now they are so invested that we meet every Tuesday and Thursday morning after dropping the kids off at school! I like to yell things at them like "No weakness!" And "This isn't ballet class!" (I got that one from my UCLA gym trainer). Other times I just tell them that they can quit, but then they're not going to get buns of steel. Then I dangle a cookie in front of them as they push weight up a hill then throw the cookie away. Okay, all of these things are lies, but we joke about them being reality in the near future. But seriously, I have some badass Mom girlfriends. They never complain, they are always eager, and they're freaking tough!

Hockey is our new sport obsession. Since we now live in the north, and there are ice rinks at every street corner, it only makes sense that we play hockey. Plus, Axel's older friend plays hockey and he wants to be just like him. He started taking ice skating lessons in early December, and after a couple of weeks, he's already skating like a pro. He can definitely skate faster than me, but I've also just started learning. The other day he and Johan were trying to teach me how to stop, which is the hardest part of ice skating. It's terrifying, actually. But it's so easy for Axel. He kept showing me, saying "just like this, Mamma", it was really cute, and also humbling that my 4 year old was trying to teach me something that he was better at than me. At least it will be many years before he's better than Johan.

There was a mom blogger who, a couple of weeks ago, wrote that for Christmas, she likes to think of a phrase her kids said a lot that year and put it on a coffee mug. I told Johan that my coffee mug would say: "You're the meanest Mom in the Whole world". Or the most recent one that I got yesterday was "Mamma, I'm not going to invite you to my birthday party!" I laughed at that one, cause good luck getting Pappa to organize it for you (Johan is the best at everything else, by the way). One evening I told Axel I was making Swedish oven pancake for dinner. He was so excited and even helped me make it. It's an egg, flour, and milk batter, but it's savory and I usually add bacon and a vegetable to the batter and bake it in a form in the oven. When I pulled it out of the oven he threw himself on the kitchen floor in tears screaming "That's not a pancake, you're the meanest Mamma in the Whole world!" I was speechless at that point.

Sometimes it feels like he has so much frustration. I always have to wait it out, then we talk about it after, when he's calm, kiss, hug, and admit that we do actually love eachother. But then there are the nights when we're watching his show together on the couch before bed, and we snuggle and wrap ourselves together in a blanket, and he lets me wrap him like a burrito in a blanket and carry him to bed. Then I think "At least he doesn't hate me all the time". 

No More Toys

Mom just left us after visiting for two weeks and we already miss her. It's so nice having her around. She and Axel have so much fun together and are so silly. He cried when she left. Come back soon mom! At least we can look forward to Johan's family visiting soon.

For about a year, we've been experiencing extremely embarrassing we-are-raising-the-most-spoiled-child-on-earth tantrums. They revolve around one thing: buying him toys, candy, etc. when we're out. It didn't matter if we were in the grocery store, the subway, or the airport, he would find something he wanted and wreak havoc when he didn't get it. My Mom witnessed it at its worst...in San Francisco on vacation, Axel was a maniac, throwing himself on the floor left and right, yelling and screaming for this and that. It was obviously our fault. We would give in and buy him things every now and then. But the tantrums got so bad that we would have to throw him over our shoulder, kicking and screaming bloody murder. It was beyond embarrassing. I could imagine what all of the people watching were thinking: "Those parents sure spoiled that little hell raiser". And they, to some extent, were right. We needed to learn to say no. And do it consistently.

So one day recently, Johan and I came upon an idea how to cut the tantrums and quit spoiling our child.  We all sat down and had a family discussion. Our new rule was that, from then on, we would buy NO MORE TOYS. Gasp! Yes, that's right. No more. The exceptions were birthdays and Christmas, which we also have gift limitations on, but that's another story. So since we were no longer going to buy Axel toys, if he wanted something, he was going to have to buy it himself. He would have to help me clean the house, pick up his room, help cook dinner, help with the gardening, etc. And the great thing is, he is really good at all of these things! But he had to work and save up his money.

And do you know what happened next? The kid owned up! This has created an amazing change in him. He still asks for us to buy him things when we're out now and then, but then we ask him "Do you have your money?" and "Do you have enough?" He is so proud to be working to save up his money. He is currently saving up to buy a Darth Vader Star Wars light saber, and he's almost there! We were at the mall the other day and he almost had a breakdown over that light saber, but I was able to talk to him about our deal, that we could come back after he had saved up enough money. Amazing! No tantrum! It's amazing the attitude shift when you're forced to work for what you want, instead of always being given whatever you want. It's kind of like real life.

Next issue to tackle...keep the kid in his bed an entire night. Until next time.....

I hate (I mean, heart) soccer

Everyone warned us about the intensely hot and humid Toronto summers. But this has been one of the most beautiful summers we've ever seen. It's been about high 70's almost the entire time and lots of sunshine. It rains about once a week for a short period, just enough to keep the grass green. But the weather here has been amazing. Here are some photos I took during some of my runs. I like to run beside the Humber river because it passes right by our house.

So apparently, we are raising the energizer bunny. Over the course of almost a year, Axel has slowly become more and more obsessed with soccer, and has basically lost all interest in anything that doesn't involve kicking a round object into a net as hard as he can. The only people we've found that can keep up with his energy are his cousins Elise and Eliana who are 11 and 13 (no surprise, they're practically junior national soccer champions), and our friends' 8 and 10 year old boys. So basically, big kids. 

He wakes up, eats breakfast, watches a couple of cartoons, then at about 7:45 a.m. it's game time. That goes on until about 7:45 p.m. when we have to bribe him by any means possible to come inside and take a bath and go to bed. 

So take this amount of energy, couple it with us moving to a new country where we have no friends to distract us even momentarily from the soccer, and add into that me home full time with Axel all summer long and you get this:

So I counted down the days until the end of June when school would be out in Toronto and summer camps start! I decided to put him into a half day soccer camp (obviously), hoping that if he played all morning long that he'd be all soccered-out by he time he came home and would be ready for a nap. Ha ha, novice me! But apparently, there are no real soccer camps for 4 year olds. Well, there are, but they aren't soccer boot camps, which my son needs. He doesn't want to play "baby soccer" where it's all non-competitive and all you do is try to hit a bright cone with the ball, (which I am all for, by the way), but he was absolutely insistent that he play real big boy soccer. He wants fierce sprinting, and falling, and playing until he drips sweat and mud. And goals. Lots and lots of goals.

So I lied. I told the soccer camp that he was 5 and figured he'd just have to hang with the big boys. The first couple of days were rough. He was obviously the littlest camper, and there was only one other 5 year old at the whole camp! So basically, everyone else was between 6 and 12 years old. He'd come home complaining that he never got to score and couldn't run faster than the big kids. But I'm proud of him, he stuck it out for three weeks. And towards the end, he started to learn a lot, score goals against the big kids, and even made friends. I spied in on them once during a scrimmage and I couldn't believe how little he looked. All the kids were playing together, and then there was little 4 year old Axel playing with some big 6 to 12 year olds! When the ball wasn't in his part of the field, he'd go up to a big kid and start to get them to wrestle with him. I was so proud of him for not being intimidated and how well he made friends with everyone. On his last day, all the big kids yelled goodbye and gave him high-fives. Pretty dang cute.

Since then, I decided to put him in a camp with kids his own age. Really, it was mostly because I didn't like the language influence the older kids had on him. Some of them used language that we didn't want him exposed to this young. We had several good talks with him about it. We explained that the words that come out of your mouth are very important. They should be always be used to be kind and to love other people. He seemed to take it to heart and understand. But now he's in an age appropriate sports camp. It's a bit boring for him because he wants to play the real sport, not just a rendition of the sport made easier for 4 year olds. But he's having fun and making friends. 

But just those 3 hours every morning help me regain my sanity, and even prepare myself for an entire afternoon of playing with the energizer bunny. Oh, and that whole idea that maybe playing soccer or sports all morning might tire him out and get us off the hook from having to play at home....rubbish. He's somehow more pumped up and ready to go once he gets home. 

At Least he still naps. Which is another funny story. Johan couldn't handle how active Axel was so late at night and wanted him to go to bed earlier, so he told me I needed to take away his nap. So I did, and Axel started going to bed at 6:00 p.m. And I still looked like the beat down mom in the picture above. But then during the weekends, after an entire day of Axel and no nap break for us, Johan could barely see straight. So he told me to put him down for a nap the next day. So now, we nap. 

Our daily life is intense. I'm sure it would be less so if we let him watch more tv or iPad, but we choose not to. His intensity might be in the upper 99th percentile of any child his age, but it's what makes him Axel. And I guess a good thing is that we are all adventurous. Life with Johan was always exciting to begin with. But throw Axel into the mix, and life is still exciting, but now we all get a good workout in the meantime.

Love, Respect, and Bad Lyrics

Some of you may have heard of Jens Lekman. He's a Swedish musician who has a beautifully captivating voice, but (in my opinion) he's the most terribly awkward songwriter, in English, at least. He wrote a song with lyrics that go "she said it was all make believe but I thought you said maple leaves". Just stuff that doesn't quite make sense or just slightly misses the mark of witty. I used to do a pretty good impression of him where I'd make my voice sound like Harry Connick Jr. and would just spout out nonsense. Anyways, maple leaves, Canada, where was I, not sure. Oh, funny regular occurrence is that since we flew here on Air Canada (which has the red maple leaf just like the national flag on the side of the plane) every time Axel sees a Canadian flag he yells "Air Canada!" Imagine his surprise on Canada Day when the entire country was celebrating our airline? 

We've been adjusting really well. I really didn't think it would go this smoothly. But we've started making friends and having people to meet up with at the park. Axel has made a new best friend, an adorable little neighbor girl named Lilly who is also on his soccer team. They are so cute together.

We were talking today about how thankful we are that we've gotten to live in so many different countries. So far, I've lived in four outside of the U.S. (Spain, Sweden, Belgium, and Canada), and Johan has lived in three outside of Sweden (U.S., Belgium, and Canada). Living in another country, not just visiting, but living there, allows you to really take part in their culture, feel as if you are one of them. And little by little, it allows you to see the world through their eyes. 

It's changed us. It's helped us to empathize and understand a much broader range of people who vary in their race, religion, political beliefs, and culture in general. I came from a very conservative right-wing town where I genuinely believed that you could not be a Democrat or Liberal and still believe in God. Johan comes from a very liberal, left-ist country where the majority believes that George W. Bush was (and still is) the devil. 

And imagine, we got married!

When I was younger and lived in my first countries abroad, I compared people a lot. I compared and I judged. I compared them to my friends and family back home who, in my eyes, were the best and were my idea of normal. I judged them for their liberal, "hedonistic" lifestyles. I remember coming home to Johan after going out to dinner with some new girlfriends in Sweden and saying "None of these people get married! They just live together! And their parents too!!" I'd never been exposed to that lifestyle before, and it was so foreign and very uncomfortable for me to accept.

I later realized how damaging my comparisons and judgements were to any future relationships. They were also hindering me from feeling at home in my current country abroad. Now that we've moved to Canada, and we're a bit wiser in this area, I don't allow myself to compare or critique unless it's a good or constructive critique. Because it's true that comparison is the thief of joy, and judgement is God's job. And this mindset has really made this move amazing. We are loving everything new and different. We love the people, the city, the way of life. 

I also realized, years ago after I got over my discomfort of living among "heathens" (because I myself am so perfect), that there was always something beautiful to take away from each person, no matter our differences. I could be having a conversation with someone who believed completely opposite from me on every level like abortion, politics, religion, health care, but as long as we maintained a mutual respect for each other, it didn't matter that we had nothing in common. I started to become fascinated with why people thought differently than me, and it has helped me to love and respect people more easily and judge less. I am not perfect, but I'm aware of this now. And when I feel the comparisons or judgements creeping in, I now know what to do with them. 

I am no longer the super conservative I used to be, and I think it's safe to say Johan is no longer the ultra liberal either. We've changed. But living in other countries among different people with different beliefs will do that to you. It's a good thing. I think that these past life lessons have prepared us to be able to fully embrace Canada, the lifestyle, and its people. Plus, they speak English here and have Costco, so that helps too :)

Toronto, The Beginning

We've been here for about 2 weeks now. Really, Canada feels like the U.S. to me, but it looks like Sweden, so it actually hasn't been too much of an adjustment for us, which is awesome. I really was waiting for culture shock and immediate homesickness, but we have really switched over to our new lives relatively painlessly. I really think it's mostly because we were showered with prayer before we left.

Our neighborhood

A pretty house in our hood

It also doesn't hurt that we live in an amazing beautiful neighborhood, Sunnylea. It just neighbors a very hip and popular neighborhood called Bloor West. But we love Sunnylea because it's much quieter and safe for kids. Our house is just steps from the Humber River, where there are biking trails and huge grass areas to play. But also just minutes walking from the subway, so Johan can take that to work. He loves not driving to work.

I like pretty houses

The houses in our neighborhood look like Cape Cod cottages you'd see in Better Homes and Gardens, and others are just stunning stone and brick mansions. Our house is a 1950's home, not so stately as our beautiful neighbors. But we are thankful because it is much larger than we need, and it's perfect for us. And it's owned by a Swede! Funny huh? It has a large basement where we can watch movies and play when it's raining, or just because. And I just feel blessed in general to have such a beautiful rental. The funny thing is...no one wanted this place! And we got the renters to go down in price. Maybe we'll find out soon enough, or maybe it was another prayer answered.


The nature also makes everything beautiful. There are huge trees everywhere, and everything is green. Compared to California, which has it's green season in the winter then everything dies of thirst in the summer, here it's the opposite; Everything dies of frostbite during the winter then blossoms in the summer.



Axel about to score....again

The bike trail by our house

This is the first time since Axel was 2 1/2 that I've been home full time with him. That part has been a little rough, especially since we don't know anyone yet and I can't just send him over to play with the neighbors to give me a break. He's a pretty intense little dude. So I didn't hesitate in signing him up for a soccer team as well as gymnastics. He LOVES both. It is a little embarrassing how good he is at soccer. I really mean it. We are so proud that he can dribble up and down the field and scores 10+ goals each game, but it's embarrassing that it's a team of 4 year olds, and people have signed their kids up so they can have an experience at playing soccer, and there's only one kid playing because he ALWAYS has the ball. So we've been teaching him the concept of passing, and he actually made a couple of passes to his teammates during the last game. I also signed him up for soccer camp. Because he has so much energy, and also to give myself a break from his endless energy. He'll go five half-days a week for three weeks. A nice thing is that the parents on his team are so so nice. But then, every Canadian we have met has been so incredibly kind.

This is how I get him to eat his carrots!

The Humber River

Lake Ontario

Mimico Bridge

 We have been having so much fun in this new city! The first weekend, we all biked to the waterfront. There are biking trails that start at the end of our street and go all the way to the lake, which is so beautiful on a clear day. It's fun that Axel can bike that far with us and we can go as a family. The second weekend, we went to a street fair that was really fun. Apparently, Toronto has a different festival almost every week during the summer.

Crashed after a day at a festival in town...time for mom
and dad to have a beer

Then this was our third weekend. We checked out the Swedish school, where Axel will probably go for a couple of hours on Saturdays in the Fall to get to know other Swedish kids, and hear the language. Then on Sunday (today), we went to a new church.

His favorite pastime....jumping off of anything and everything.

We've been to about 4 churches so far, and this one really hit the spot. They were so welcoming, and genuine, and it seemed that everyone knew each other and really loved each other. We met so many people, Axel made a friend really quickly, and afterwards, they had a barbeque where we got to meet even more people. It felt like a big family, which was totally what we were looking for. It's an old 100-year old church that is Christian, non-denominational, a little traditional, but young enough that it doesn't feel old, and there are tons of families with kids. We both left feeling like that was just what we were looking for. This weekend, I was starting to feel the loneliness of not having friends or family around, which is why I especially am so thankful for this. To be invited to several events by the girls at the church, to make a new friend to meet for a playdate, and to see Johan meet another scientist and talk for a long time....I feel like it was such perfect timing that it came just when I was starting to need it. So we are thankful. We are feeling welcomed and at home here. We miss San Diego so much, but this is where we are for now, and so far, God has been gracious to us. Thank you for all the prayers!

And I guess the most important thing, the reason we're here, is that Johan loves his new job! His coworkers are amazing, his workplace is exciting, and he is happy. It's not always perfect and pretty, but we are happy and well. And thankful.