Overall, we are so thankful to have gotten to be a part of the start of Jan's new life here in Canada. Part of it was that, as Christians, God asks us to help refugees, the oppressed, the poor. "The refugee residing amont you must be treated as your native-born. Love them as yourself, for you were once refugees in Egypt." Leviticus 19:34, and God "defends the cause of the orphan and the widow, he loves the refugee residing among you, giving them food and clothing" Deut 10:18. This isn't to say it was always easy. We had struggles making sure he stayed in school, because he had classes he didn't understand and didn't know or want to talk to the Principal about it. He said from the beginning that he wanted to work to help pay off the debts his mother had loaned to smuggle him out of Pakistan, which were significant, and which we understood. There seemed to be a language barrier, in that we'd agree on something (like, we will leave tomorrow at 4:00 to sign you up for a gym membership), but he wouldn't come home! Those were the times I wondered if it was the English barrier, or if verbal agreements were more relaxed where he's from. I think it was a combination of both.
But overall, we loved having him live with us. He was so sweet and respectful. He cleaned up after himself, and played tee ball and soccer with Axel. And we had the best conversations. We talked endlessly about the Afghani/Pakistani cultures, what he hated and what he missed. He said that once he left Pakistan and arrived in Sweden, he couldn't believe that boys and girls could walk around freely in public. In Pakistan that might get you arrested, or worse. He even felt uncomfortable calling his Swedish teachers by their first name, which he felt was very disrepectful (which I agree with, American culture is similar in that sense). But he got most passionate when he talked about how overly controlling the culture is, especially over women. Women are not valued at all. They can be beaten by their husbands without intervention because their husband owns them. Their families marry them off as teenagers because they are not allowed to study and having a family is their only purpose. I have no problem with women having the sole purpose and desire to have a family, but the fact that it's forced and they have no choice is very sad to me. We loved hearing how Jan had realized what he had been forced to believe, and how he was forming his own opinions for the first time in his life, without fear or coercion.
A month ago, he decided he didn't want to continue in summer school, or school at all for that matter, because he wanted to work. We encouraged him to stay in school for the benefit of his future, but he said school would come after he paid off his debts. We were fine with this, but our rule for living for free in our house was that he must go to school. Furthermore, he had just turned 18, so he was an adult who was capable of making his own decisions and living on his own. So we all decided it would be best if he start looking for his own apartment, and start his new life. He was sad at first, even though we talked a lot about it. But after a few days we sat down again to talk, and he said he had realized that us making him move was the best thing that could have happened for him. He said that, at our house, he was starting to become unmotivated and sleep in too much, and had no concrete plans for his future. He hadn't made plans to get a summer job, even though he wasn't even in school. So this little kick in the butt had turned out to give him so much inititative to start planning his new life! He quickly got a job at a restaurant, he received permanent residency in Canada, he found a room to rent for very cheap, AND he got his work permit. Total answers to prayer.
Yesterday, we moved him out. As he and I were getting into the car, Johan gave him a hug and told him to always consider our house a place where he was always welcome. That we're always here for him. Then he said "Let's see eachother again soon, okay? But before heaven!" They laughed and both said "InShaAllah", which means, "God willing" in Arabic, a phrase Jan uses all the time.
I drove him to his new apartment and met his new roommate, who was a very sweet guy from the Philippines. The apartment wasn't fancy, and you could tell a guy lived there, but it was roomy and had everything he needed. And realistically, who's first apartment is nice?? I don't think anyone at that age has a nice first apartment, and pretty much everyone needs to go through the experience of living in that first apartment, sharing a room, it's part of growing up! I thought it was great. Jan then walked me to down to the parking lot to say goodbye. I gave him a hug (totally not allowed in Pakistan!) and told him that I was so proud of him and happy that so much had worked out. He said he was so thankful for everything we had done for him, and that he had so much hope and excitement for his future. I am pretty sure that he felt the proudest of himself he's felt in a while.
As I drove away, it felt like something so hard (making him make this step to move out), had become so good. I don't believe he would have accomplished all of this had he stayed at our house. Even though it was definitely the more secure, comfortable option, this scary plunge of his proved to show him that he is capable of succeeding and taking care of himself. But we made sure he knows he will always have a family in Toronto (Us).
