Since I've been back at work, I have slightly weaned Axel to only nursing two times per day (when he wakes and right before bed), then he also takes two bottles during the day. We have an arsenal of frozen milk in the freezer that will probably last us several months, so this works out really well. He weaned pretty easily, since he's been less interested in nursing these last couple of months. He's also going down to 2 naps. We kind of had to force it on him because he'd take 3 naps if he could and go to sleep every 2 hours. But if we let that go on, he'd start going to bed too late and not get enough sleep. At least, that's what the sleep book says, and it's been a miracle worker until now, so I do as it says!
I've been letting him explore a lot lately. My first instinct is "don't ruin your clothes or get dirty!" But then I remember the list of 25 things I posted earlier this week, and I just say "oh well", and let him get dirty. As long as nothing goes in the mouth and he's not in danger, I let him have fun. He seems to be happier that way, and therefore, so am I.
He is still eating like a champ. He eats his super porridge every morning for breakfast. We still mix any whole grain with homemade green and orange vegetable, brewer's yeast, kelp, and dessicated liver. But apparently, this is the month to introduce proteins, so we've been adding lentils to it. He loves it. He also just had fish for the first time and gobbled it up. I have realized lately that if there is some food that he doesn't like, he will usually eat it if I let him eat it himself, instead of spoon feeding him. Unfortunately, this is the result:
Lupe is also amazing. She is kind, loving, follows our way of doing things (like naps, feeding, and play), and only speaks Spanish. This has been pretty interesting, since I leave for work before she arrives, Johan hands Axel off to her. But Johan doesn't speak Spanish, and Lupe doesn't speak English. So I assume there is a lot of hand gestures, pointing at objects, and o's added to the end of words "Axel sleep-o at nine o'clock-o". It's about time Johan learned Spanish. I learned Swedish, so he should learn Spanish!
Two of our friends had used Lupe as their nanny for their children. In the words of Chris Baron, "when Lupe had been at our house, it was 'magical'". The Barons said they'd come home and somehow she got their kids to nap better, eat better, and she had cleaned the house so that it was "brillante". The first day Johan and I came home from work after Lupe had been over, there was indeed some magic that seemed to have occurred. Our bathroom sink had been clogged for months. Johan had bought some super strength acid clog eater that couldn't be used while Axel and I were in the house because the fumes were so toxic. It looked terrifying. Hence, the bathroom sink remained clogged. But when we came home post-Lupe, I went to wash my hands and the water went straight through the drain, and the sink was so clean and shiny! We checked the toxic drain-o bottle, and nope, it hadn't been opened. How did Lupe unclog the sink? I asked her the next day and she showed me a bent up coat hanger that she had reconfigured and stuck down the drain to pull up all the hair. Yuck. But I highly respect any woman who isn't afraid to get her hands dirty.
Two of our friends had used Lupe as their nanny for their children. In the words of Chris Baron, "when Lupe had been at our house, it was 'magical'". The Barons said they'd come home and somehow she got their kids to nap better, eat better, and she had cleaned the house so that it was "brillante". The first day Johan and I came home from work after Lupe had been over, there was indeed some magic that seemed to have occurred. Our bathroom sink had been clogged for months. Johan had bought some super strength acid clog eater that couldn't be used while Axel and I were in the house because the fumes were so toxic. It looked terrifying. Hence, the bathroom sink remained clogged. But when we came home post-Lupe, I went to wash my hands and the water went straight through the drain, and the sink was so clean and shiny! We checked the toxic drain-o bottle, and nope, it hadn't been opened. How did Lupe unclog the sink? I asked her the next day and she showed me a bent up coat hanger that she had reconfigured and stuck down the drain to pull up all the hair. Yuck. But I highly respect any woman who isn't afraid to get her hands dirty.
Then we started to see little details of cleanliness. Our fans were dusted, our shelves were clean, the floors were mopped, the dishes were washed and put away, and even all of Axel's clothes were washed and folded. Who are you, woman??? She said that Axel had napped for about 4 hours total that day so she just decided to clean. Just for the record, we never asked her to clean. In fact, I had told her she could take naps in the guest room, read a book, or just relax while Axel naps. Somehow, her inability to sit and relax and her need to clean every nook and cranny reminds me of someone (Mom). Now every time we come home, it's a fun game to look for the traces of Lupe cleanliness around the house..."Oh my gosh, she even re-organized our utensils drawer!"
My first day back at work was really great. I didn't mind sitting in traffic because that's what grown-ups in San Diego do! And now I'm getting to act and feel like a grown up again! I got to dress up in grown up clothes and do my hair before 12:00 in the afternoon. I also got to use my own purse instead of a diaper bag, that was really exciting. It has also been nice to feel like I'm using my brain in the ways that make me feel useful, doing my nerdy engineer math and using my AutoCAD computer design program, it just makes me feel like I'm doing what I was meant to do.
But I also feel like I'm meant to be a mom, so working part time should be perfect, right? After a couple of days at work, I started really missing Axel. I'm almost afraid to admit it, because I know what people are going to say "Then just go back home! Don't work!" But my problem is that I also love being at work. I chose to go back to work part time because I wanted to. I felt ready to have a little break to use my brain to do something I love and also contribute to the family finances.
I'm hoping that it gets easier being away from him. If it doesn't, then it's true, I don't have to work. I do have a very understanding boss who I'm sure would give me more time if I needed it. And Johan is supportive of whatever I want to do, work or stay home. I am so extremely grateful for these wonderful supportive men. But for now, I'm kind of torn between two things that I love to do. But if I continue to feel like I should be home with Axel, he will always come before my job.
The week before I went back to work, I went to Scripps Hospital in Hillcrest where Axel was born. I have been going to the breastfeeding support group there, and I went one last time to get advice on how to wean him. As I was leaving the hospital with Axel to go back home, the weather was warm and sunny, the birds were chirping, and it reminded me so much of the day we took him home 9 months ago. I started to get teary-eyed because those days are gone. They'll never be back. Of course, we'll have them again with our future children, but not with Axel. I think the realization that the baby days are drawing to an end are setting in right now. He's getting more opinionated and is starting to get a mind of his own. He doesn't want to sit in your lap and just wants to get out there and explore. People always told me that this time would go by so fast, but I always thought they meant that it "felt" fast, not that the baby stage really was very short, only months long.
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